Many characteristics of our ministry make us very counter-cultural. One of them is our approach to young people. A couple of year ago, a knowledgeable Christian leader told me that "you will never attract twenty-first century American teens without using rock music." While it is counter-cultural and thus harder to attract teens without rock concerts, it is possible and even preferable. Remember, however, that our primary goal is not to attract teens but to glorify God. We want to see teens accept Christ and we have seen several over the last few weeks, but we want our teens to grow into maturity by glorifying God. What attracts teens is what keeps teens. If we attract with entertainment, or as I call it "marshmallow Christianity", we will be entertaining them rather than helping them grow to maturity in Christ. Because of wealth and opulence, this generation of teens is more self-absorbed than any before them. They don't need the church through its music and programming to make them even more self-absorbed.

Two extremes exist in modern Christian America in relating to teens:

1.) One view teaches us to completely isolate them. Don't let them interact with hardly anyone because they could be contaminated. This view says that in essence teens are supposed to climb up on top of a big rock where the parents hoist food to them daily until they are twenty-one. The weakness here is that the teen never learns how to minister to peers which is what life is all about. Neither does it allow the teen to start using the "training wheels" of decision making while still in the home to be helped when wrong decisions inevitably are made. It can also hinder the transition of the teen to full adulthood where they will understand how to obey the prayer of Christ that they be "in the world, but not of the world.”

2.) The other view teaches that they are to look, talk, and act exactly like the unsaved and just throw in some Jesus words. Isolate them from the rest of the church. Give them their own Sunday worship service. Cater to them in everything because you fear that if you actually challenge them to righteousness, you will lose them. The obvious weakness here is true holiness. This view demeans the intelligence and idealism found in our young people by viewing them as just a group of raging hormones that must be entertained or lost. It also adds to the erroneous self-centered view that they are the most important. They never have to listen to music they don't like or struggle to understand a message that they don't get. They don't have to exercise at all unto godliness as Scripture commands because their "marshmallows" are all served to them on a platter. Everything is easy to digest, like a potato chip or marshmallow. Sadly, now the surveys show nationally a glut of "born again" people, but very little dedication as the song writer said, "my soul, my life, my all." Not much of "my soul, my life, my all" going around Christianity today. Much of the blame lies at the feet of the modern Evangelical youth group.

Our Pastoral team believes that both of these views are completely wrong, historically and biblically.

My observations (and this list is not exhaustive):

1.) Teen years can be a struggle for many reasons. Kids are learning the process of decision making. Chemicals that God designed to mature them are changing them on the inside and outside. They begin to wonder if their parents' God is going to be their God. They see some hypocrisy in adults. They want to be respected as adults, but often they feel like children. The list could go on and on.

2.) Teens make mistakes. It is never the end of the world when they do. I would rather a child make a mistake in my home so that I can help him or her through the process that led to the mistake. I would strongly desire never to act as if the teen is a show piece to my spirituality by demanding absolute perfection out of him while he lives at home. I have watched family after family treat their children as if they were dogs at a dog show. The kids intuitively know the parents treat them like this and resent it. I have asked more than one adult, "Did you think as a teen that your life at church was more a show about your parents to their friends than it was about true spirituality?" Inevitably these young adults say, "Yes." Often these teens grow up with an inability to make biblical choices on their own and the parents spend the rest of their days bailing the adult out. Children are not show pieces to the parents’ egos! It is important for parents to know their child's spiritual place. Are they simple (follower of others)? Are they a fool (planner of deceit)? Are they a scoffer (one who not only plans deceit but entices the simple to join in wickedness)? Are they wise (biblically mature to apply biblical principles to various situations)?

3.) Teens are sheltered, especially in an affluent suburban culture, away from much of the "survival work" of their great-grandparents that taught their forebears the principle that hard work and frugality equal eventual reward. This means that parents today must extend themselves during the teen years when the teen is 15-18 to make sure they find meaningful work and are then are allowed to have the care of at least a portion of their earnings to spend as they choose. This teaches so many important character traits that are important later in life. It teaches them to tithe. It teaches them to give to missions. It teaches them that hard work earns a temporal reward as well as an eternal. It teaches them that comfort and enjoyment costs effort and time. It teaches them to appreciate their parents even more. Often it will cost the parent more money in time and gas to run a teen around to get them work, but it is well worth the effort.

4.) Teens are attacked by vulgarity more quickly and more efficiently today than at any other time in history. Few adults, even parents of most teens, realize what is out there. Few adults know that "idk" is text messaging lingo for "I don't know." Few teens or college kids email anymore. They text or write back and forth on MySpace or Facebook. They write on each other's "walls." Some parents want to ban iPods, cell phones, etc. because of the ability for them to be misused. Our pastoral team believes that a parent misses a wonderful opportunity to teach and train when a child makes a mistake with one of these modern technologies. However, a parent must understand it is a very hard world in which to be a godly teen. If complete isolation isn't the answer and if complete worldliness isn't the answer, then what is?

Biblical solutions:

1.) The home and parents must be very engaged in a teen's life.

2.) The youth ministry in a church is not to replace the home. However, just like a parent takes a child to the doctor, a quality youth pastor can be a tremendous blessing to the parent and teen.

3.) The youth ministry gives young people a place of ministry with their peers as well as those younger than themselves. They learn about giving of themselves and the reward in spiritual contentment of ministering to others with no expectation of earthly remuneration.

4.) The youth ministry is a place for good teaching in areas like soul-winning, apologetics, and practical Christian living. It is not just a place to "dumb down" Christianity to get a crowd.

5.) The youth ministry is a place where teens can have fun, laugh, and enjoy themselves at a time in their lives when God is transitioning them from childhood to adulthood.

6.) The father must spend time laughing and having fun with his teen. Moms more naturally talk and spend time with their kids. Too often the dad thinks that mom is covering all the bases. Too often the only time a father speaks is to correct. Dads, it is so important that you parent before crisis so that when the inevitable crisis comes in your teen’s life, you will have a relationship to draw on. It is so important for a father to have fun with his child, especially in the teen years and correct only when the offense is serious. Moms tend to overcorrect verbally which drives teens, especially boys, into resentment and anger. Dads tend to under correct which tends to drive teens, especially girls, into the arms of another teen guy.

When I was a kid, I traveled with my family on the road in evangelism. We lived in a trailer and did not have a normal home. As we traveled at night, I would sit in the front with my dad and we would catch baseball games on the radio while we drove. We would often plan travel between meetings to catch games in Atlanta, St. Louis, San Francisco, Pittsburgh, Philadelphia, etc. (We were a National League family.) When we would travel all day, we would stop for lunch. Dad had been driving for hours. He would pull into a rest area and mom would get into the trailer to fix my favorite meal, tomato soup and grilled cheese sandwiches. Even though I know now my dad must have been exhausted with many hours of driving ahead of him and three or four messages the next day, he would always say, "Mike, get your glove and we will throw the ball until mom has lunch." To this day he and I have a tradition that we attend Opening Day every year at Chase Field with the Diamondbacks.

More importation to me than all his words of correction were the times he stopped our travel and scheduled his busy preaching schedule around the baseball season so I could see a game. More important to me than all the messages I have heard him preach were the words "Here comes a grounder, Mike; pick it up and get it back to me as fast as you can." Rules without relationship will always equal rebellion.

I encourage you to read this article from SharperIron. I agree with just about everything the author says in this writing. I think our youth ministry and philosophy closely align themselves with what this author writes.

Michael D. Sproul, D.Min.
Senior Pastor